This is serious.... Sort of.

I think I’m having an artistic identity crisis. What is the cause? Well, maybe it’s the fact that I’m getting the first formal art education in my life, and it’s making me more critical of my normally whimsy ass Burton-esque drawings. All these little things about colour theory and proportions and technique, they’re starting to matter to me.

    It’s not necessarily about following all of the rules and replicating old masters. Education and knowledge is like putting on tinted glasses that make you point out things you would’ve otherwise ignored. This can be a blessing and a curse, but for me it hasn’t been the latter very much.  

    But where do I go from here? I love painting portraits and things like that, and I’d say I’ve got a fairly good eye for drawing people in general. In the past year or so, I’ve just felt a lot of influence from Andrew Wyeth(possibly my favorite painter) and other realistic artists, and surrealists like Dali. Their technique and colour selcection are impeccable, and I still get excited about their work even if I’ve seen it many times before. I think I’m just growing up, perhaps.

    As nostalgic and whimsical as I can be, there’s more to me than just some creepy doodles and pictures of waifish fairies… I think there’s plenty of magic in the real world, and maybe I need to start drawing/painting the way I see that magic. I don’t ever want to abandon illustration, because it’s so fun and it’s the style that go me into art. And I definitely think there can be a merging of countless  art forms and styles and techniques. But more and more, I’m grasping for something outside of those boundries. I want to make people feel something. That feeling that I get, when I’m working on a really time-consuming painting for days and there’s quiet music in the backround- I feel like I’m doing the right thing, like I might as well be painting with my own blood, because I’m not withholding anything. It’s just me and my thoughts and dreams.But it’s something that other people can admire and feel with a similar intensity (hopefully).

Maybe I should stop worrying about what I don’t want to be, and focus on who I am right now.

And maybe some day, I’ll be better. But that doesn’t really matter if I’m of a free mind and heart, does it?